Dictator of the World (2)

As the not-so-outer edge of Hurricane Sandy passed through the Washington DC area, the power went off. and your correspondent was literally (and metaphorically?) in the dark for about thirteen hours.

Being well stocked with candles, batteries, flashlights and bottled water as well as having previously cooked all of the perishable food that could plausibly be eaten cold, this was no great hardship.

Once the power returned, however, resetting all of the electric clocks (stove, microwave, many clock radios etc.) was a tiresome chore. As a result, here is a resolution for the future.

When I become Dictator of the World, there will be a single absolute standard for the number, purpose and location of the buttons used to set the time (and the alarms) on all appliances and radios. There will also be a standard for automobiles since, twice a year, the clocks must be reset to account for daylight savings time.

The punishment for industrial designers who decide to be "creative" will be the intense boredom generated by being forced to judge - and write a four hundred word critique of each of - one hundred watercolors painted by a randomly selected group of six year old children.

The world will be a slightly better place.

A Reluctant Conclusion

To understand a problem is the first step to solving it - but only the first step.

To be in a position to solve a really critical problem - and then to take no action, demonstrates such a lack of leadership skills that that person is unfit to hold the office of President of the United States of America.

On March 16, 2006, then freshman Senator Barack Obama, addressed the United States Senate on the topic of the debt ceiling. The first and penultimate paragraphs show his understanding of the situation, his final sentence expressing opposition to raising the debt ceiling (see also Tea Party and default) indicates that his understanding of the solution is woefully lacking:

"The fact that we are here today to debate raising America's debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the US Government cannot pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government's reckless fiscal policies...

 ... Increasing America's debt weakens us domestically and internationally. Leadership means that, "the buck stops here.' Instead, Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and grandchildren. America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership. Americans deserve better.

I therefore intend to oppose the effort to increase America's debt limit."

[Note: unlike many of these quotes that circulate in conservative circles, this one is validated by Snopes. Your correspondent did not have the time to wade through the Congressional Record but you can read the Snopes piece here including Senator Obama's entire statement]

Governor Romney's actions and words have insulted many, including your correspondent, but he does at least have a record of leadership. He built a significant business, Bain Capital, beginning when he was only 37 years old and he averted a significant disaster in the making, the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics, whose failure would have greatly reduced our standing in the world.

On the other hand, Romney's lack of trust in the American people with regard to releasing his tax returns, his refusal to spell out the spending cuts he would propose and his tiresome refrain 'I know how to...' without further explanation make him a person whom it is hard to trust in return.

On November 6th, your correspondent will hold his nose (not too hard because pain is not part of the program) while he votes for leadership (even though he is not quite sure where Mr. Romney is going) and the retirement of President Obama.

Fixing Things

As we come to the end of the sailing season, at least for those who do not live in California, Florida and the Antipodes, we are faced with the task of putting away our boats for the winter and repairing the damage from the season. There are many of us who are mechanically challenged and for whom fixing things is hard, really hard.

There are some who claim that anything can be fixed by hitting it with a hammer. That is largely true but knowing where, and how hard, to hit takes great skill and training. It is also worth noting that, if you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

For the rest of us, with limited mechanical ability, there are only two tools: duct tape and WD40. If it moves, and it’s not supposed to, use the duct tape. If it doesn't move, and it should, use the WD40.

Dictator of the World

When I become Dictator of the World, there will be a very substantial Ugly Boat Tax. Starving artists will be hired, at a modest daily rate, as tax assessors.

Jet Skis will not be taxed but will be confiscated and given to the military for use as targets for automatic weapons training.

The world will be a slightly better place!

A Message to the Democratic National Committee

How come you never call?

I live in a very Democratic part of the Independent Peoples Republic of Northern Virginia and I expected you to be annoying me constantly. The Republican National Committee calls me twice a day - at least - and really makes me feel wanted. (Well, actually, annoyed but never mind.)

That's OK because I really don't want to talk to you or to listen to one of your robot messages. I know that you will only try to get me to vote to re-elect a President who could not lead a tribe of starving Somalis to a free all-you-can-eat buffet dinner. If you are not pitching for Mr. Obama, then you will want to persuade me to vote for a man who was a barely adequate Governor of Virginia and for Congressman Moron (sorry Moran) who is a wife beater, kid slapper, anti-Semite, and taker of loans from lobbyists with business before his Congressional committee.

Don't ask me for money either. I never contribute to politicians (it only encourages them) and I am not planning to start now.

But I will be voting on November 6th and the topmost thought in my mind is 'throw the bastards out - all of them'.

A Message to the Republican National Committee

Go away!

For the last two weeks, I have received from the RNC at least two, sometimes more, telephone calls every day. I don't want to get any more robo-calls from you and I am not very interested in talking to a live person.

I get the message! You want me to vote for Mitt "The Twit" Romney, 'Poor Little Rich Kid' Ryan, George 'Macaca' Allen and the clown who is running against Congressman Moran (Moron?).

Not only do I not want to hear from you anymore, please be advise that the likelihood of my voting for any of your candidates declines with every telephone call. In fact, there is a lot to be said for renting a cottage at an isolated lake, with no radio or television, from November 3 - 10 and just spending the week immersed in some of the books that are stacked up on my desk waiting to be read.

Foreign Policy - Advice to Governor Romney

Governor Romney would do well to take heed of the wise words of two former Presidents:

First, spoken by John Quincy Adams: "America goes not abroad in search of monsters to destroy. She is the well-wisher to freedom and independence of all. She is the champion and vindicator only of her own."

The second thought to be remembered is Theodore Roosevelt's classic remark: "speak softly and carry a big stick." 

Perhaps both of these should be engraved on every bathroom mirror in the White House!

On Writing

I asked a friend, who is an author of excellent fiction and a number of interesting blogs, whether writing was an incurable disease or merely an addiction that could, with some effort, be overcome.

Her response was delightfully simple: "why resist?"

So, after more than a year of hibernation, I have returned to comment on public affairs, to skewer the pompous, and to challenge those who, to steal from Winston Churchill, engage in excessive flights of terminological inexactitude.

Watch this space!